| |
|
Sunday, March 26, 2006
I'm irritable lately. Well, not just "lately", but for the last few months already. Why? I have no idea. Though my poor dearie is on the receiving end all the time, so much so that I wonder if it's got anything to do with him.
It might. After all, I jumped on tiny details like him typing *hugs* or *kiss* over the Internet. I hadn't jumped on him last year, yet I'm doing it now. I don't know why exactly, but I suspect that it's because of his trip here last Christmas. After all, we held hands for real, we hugged for real, we laughed together for real, we kissed for real. And "for real", meaning physically together. Suddenly, him typing those "hugs" and "kisses" out doesn't seem real. I mean, they looked fake to me. I don't really know how to explain this. But just... it doesn't feel right. It just irritates the hell out of me.
I lashed out at him a couple of times for saying "I miss you" all the time. He asked me what's wrong with him saying that he missed me. I couldn't really answer that, so I just said he's being needy and irritating. And when I really thought about it, I guess it's because I miss him terribly too, but I'm trying hard NOT to think about it or talk about it so that I won't feel any worse. And him saying that to me just reminds me of how bad it is and I hated that feeling. That's why I was irritated.
So, if you are reading this, dear, just know in your heart that I love you still and I miss you a lot okay? Just don't expect me to say it all the time and you shouldn't say it all the time to me either. I know its weird, but it just stresses me out. Don't go all emo every time I can't spend time with you or that you have to go some places. I want myself to have my own life, and I want you to have your own life too. I don't want you to feel guilty for going out with your family, nor do I want to feel guilty for going out with my friends and family. Don't always go " =( " or " =/ " whenever that happens. It's the same thing as "I don't want you to go but if you have to, then I guess I can't do anything about it". Or at least that's what I interpret them to be. Being in love doesn't mean possessing them. It doesn't mean that you have to be with the other every day, every waking hour, every waking moment. I know you have your committments to your family. If you have to go visit your aunt, then just go. Don't say things like, "I'm sorry =/". In the first place, I'm not even upset or a single bit mind that you are going to your aunt's place, so why in the hell are you saying sorry for?? Argh.
Bah. Sigh.
/end rant.
Anyway, after a really hectic week, I finally got myself settled in my new office, my new workstation. It's a lot more cramp now, and the tables are a lot smaller. I managed to throw away lotsa stuff that I didn't need, and cleared as much work as I could before I moved, and hence I seem to have a lot more working space compared to my colleagues' tables. In fact, I've even managed to keep an "IchiRuki" space on my workstation. Haha!
Here are some pics taken by my N70. Sorry about the blurriness, coz my hand just can't stop shaking all the time.
My spanking new workstation -
My IchiRuki corner!
Left to right, top: Ichigo plushie, Rukia plushie. Bottom: Lorianda - my RO merchie figurine, Ichigo & Rukia handphone stickers, Rukia + Kon figurine.
And ta-dah! My new view from the window behind me, taken yesterday morning when I went back to work.
- Kissa-Hime mewled at 9:28 PM
|
|
|
|
